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How To Train Your Dragon-Kitty

I have the world’s most adorable cat. Seriously. His name is Kennedy and he’s basically the equivalent of a walking cotton ball with a pink nose and blue eyes. He’s precious, and he purrs and licks my hand and is really sweet.

BUT

Every once in a while he’ll get into this guerrilla mode, where he just wants to attack me. It usually happens in the mornings, when I’m walking around my apartment, brushing my teeth and picking clothes from my closet. During the winter months, I noticed that he would attack me on mornings I was wearing my favorite orange sweatpants. So I thought that maybe he had something against the color orange. I stopped wearing them, and the morning chase-and-kill came less frequently.

But this morning – Oh this morning. He came at me like a kung-fu kitty with something to prove. I wore shorts to bed last night, and was walking around the apartment doing my morning ritual, when he started growling, hissing and chasing me down. My legs and hands are now covered in scratches, and I had to do a bit of first-aid to stop the bleeding.

I was late to work this morning, and relayed the trauma to my editor (who also owns a cat), and asked how to properly discipline a Connectikitty like mine and let him know who’s boss. She said I should have whacked him. I did give him a small tap on the kitty bottom, but I didn’t “whack”him, because he’s small and who knows what would hurt him. But my question is: How DO you teach a cat the difference between right and wrong? I’ve had dogs before and they’re so trainable, but this little closeted terror just can’t be taught.